It's Free! Just Pay Separate Shipping and Handling

Did you ever see those ads on TV for some loathesome product available at a ridiculous price for crap that say "But wait, order in the next 15 minutes and we'll double your order, just pay separate shipping and handling?"  Order in the next 15 minutes?  Some of the ads have run for years.  And still the offers miraculously remain. "Order now and we'll send you a free can-opener, a free ointment to get rid of your wrinkles, a free bottle of deodorant for wherever, a free can of furniture polish, and our new socks or hose that flatter your feet while you wear them for absolutely nothing.  Well, nothing in the world is free.  Even if they tell you that you are getting $199 worth of merchandise for free, very generous they are.  Tell ya what, ad people, just send me the free stuff, keep the other crap for yourself.